Scott Michael

Brother. Son. Uncle. Best friend. He was probably the nicest man you would ever meet. He was smart and funny. He taught me how to treat animals and how to shoot a gun. He had a way with animals and they just instinctively knew that he would never hurt them. Lucky is his dog. Always will be. Lucky and Uncle Scott had the same brown eyes. They were the nicest brown eyes. They could make you feel safe and secure. They made you feel loved. I don't think I will ever be able to look at Lucky without being reminded of my uncle. I'm trying to write this without crying, though it's proving to be a daunting task. I can only get a couple sentances out and then I have to go read something funny my friends did. Oh gosh, what can I even say about him that people aren't already thinking? He never really was one for nicknames, but he called me Squirt. Actually, he called all of us Squirt at first. Eventually though, I became the second shortest in thef amily (besides Abby, she has an excuse) so I was really the only one who was called Squirt. I don't really think I could handle it if somebody were to just call me that. Not only was he my uncle, but he was my friend. A good friend. Probably one of the best I will ever have. He wasn't judgemental, he wasn't mean, and he wasn't perfect. I don't know if he ever really knew how much we really loved and appreciated him, but neither one of us were really the touchy feely type. I wish that I could go back and tell him how important he was to me. I just want everyone to know that no matter what happens or what happened, I will always love you. It's hard to lose someone as amazing as Scott Michael Peacock. Sitting here, writing this, I still haven't fully processed it. I'm sitting here, wishing he would just walk through that door.

Dear Uncle Scott,
I love you.
Love,
Squirt

[Insert Wittyness Here]

I don't really feel like talking about anything deep and meaningful. Shit happens. Life happenED. At least I have my music. Music is everything, and sometimes it's all you've got. For me, music is No Doubt, Halestorm, Karmin, Lady Gaga, Michael Jackson, Volbeat, Shinedown, Taylor Swift (Shut Up. Judge and I kill you.), Carrie Underwook, and Eminem. There are others, but when my uncle died yesterday, I wanted nothing more than to get to know my CDs better. There's just something about opening the case and takeing out the cover, pouring over the lyrics and keeping them close. Yes, I own an iPod. Two, actually. But I have a billion CDs. They're more...personal, I guess.

Sorry this thing is all about music, it's just when people let youdown, or they make you cry, or youjust want to be by yourself, you can just put in The Strange Case Of or Hello. You'll be alone without truly being alone. Music is always there for me and has never let me down. I'm not antisocial, I just...it's hard to explain.

Well in the past 48 hours I've gotting like six hours of sleep. So I bid thee farewell <3

Halestorm

Okay. Sorry for the long wait. I really am. I was really busy working at a haunted house and stuff...Yeah. Anyways.

The Butterfly Project:

1. When you feel like you want to cut, take a marker, pen, or sharpies and draw a butterfly on your arm or hand.

2. Name the butterfly after a loved one, or someone that really wants you to get better.

3. You must let the butterfly fade naturally. NO scrubbing it off.

4. If you cut before the butterfly is gone, you’ve killed it. If you dont cut, it lives.

5. If you have more than one butterfly, cutting kills all of them.

6. Another person may draw them on you. These butterflies are extra special. Take good care of them.

7. Even if you don’t cut, feel free to draw a butterfly anyways, to show your support. If you do this, name it after someone you know that cuts or is suffering right now, and tell them. It could help.

 

 

 

That's my big thing right now. I have two. Because I was there once. It doesn't solve anything though. It's...I can't really explain it. It just feels like it helps. But it doesn't. It makes you feel weak. You're the only person you're hurting by doing that. And it sucks because you feel like you're helping yourself and...ugh. It's a bad place to be.

 

Well. That's all. For now. but remember. Somebody really does care. <3

It's Today!!!

Okay so this is gonna be as short as the other ones but I'm here to give you hope (Not that anybody is actually following this) but anyways. Today. At about 6. I will be updating even more.

Well Then.

Well. I'm in engineering. Again. Still waiting for Thursday to come. My friends in the hospital with stomach issues and stuff, but she's good. Not gunna die any time soon. Unless I stab her for thanking me. But that's a whole game changer. On the 29th, it will be one year since my cousin died in a car accident. Miss you, Chey.

Okay Go

Well. Just sitting here in engineering. Thought I'd blog. Again. Well...That's all. Until Thursday <3

Dear Chris

Dear Chris,
I dunno if you remember me. In first grade we were best friends. In second grade..well you were held back. I didn't see you the whole day but we had Kid's Safari together after school and we always played with the legos. We slowly grew apart but one day, when I was in fourth grade, I decided "To hell with it" and I decided to be your friend. When you died, I was in shock. I didn't fully process it till the day of your funeral and I decided not to go. It...shook me. If you died so young, that meant that I could die young too. And that's when I started obsessing over death. Like, not..I wanted to kill myself or oyher people. I just was scared that everybody was going to die. And...I admit. I became weird. Not the good kind either. But then I talked to your cousin Crystal (Aunt Crystal to me) and I met Allan Robert Stone. The cutest kid ever. And I felt better. Like, not just in my body but in my heart too.

Enough about me. How are you? Are you doing okay? Are you at peace or whatever? I really miss  you. Like, if you were here, you'd be a freshman. and...It's not so bad. Maybe we'd be closer. I kind of viewed you as a brother figure, even though I have my own. I guess...I don't know. Let's start over. Cos I'm a whole new person now. Hi, my name is Emily.

Ronan

If you didn't know, Ronan Thompson was a beautiful boy who died of cancer on May 9, 2011, three days before he was to turn 4. the story I found out about him was really weird, but I won't go into detail. Anyways. This kid changed my life. When I was younger, I was really...I don't know...I just didn't really think cancer was a problem. Yeah, it sucked. But I truly didn't understand how it affected other people's lives until I watched my grandmothers die from cancer, one by one. And then my great aunt, and a few cousins. I watched kids I had grown up with battle cancer and that really changes a person. There was this kid (I will never forget him) who was in my grade. Christopher Allen Brown. He was a really good friend of mine. His cousin is my mom's best friend and I call her aunt so...anyways. When we were ten years old, he had a seizure in a pool and drowned. We had talked about having awesome teachers together and moving on to middle school and eventually highschool. I made it, but without my friend. When my mom gave me the news two weeks before I started the fifth grade, I couldn't believe it. No, I REALLY couldn't believe it. I thought she was kidding. I refused to believe her outright. When I got to school the monday school started and he wasn't there, I shut down. Not in the traditional sense. But when middle school hit, I stopped caring completely. Nobody saw it coming, not even me. There were other reasons as to why I was depressed, but that was the tip of the iceberg. I cut everybody off and started blowing them off for sleep. I'm better now, but kids like Chris and Ronan and Johnathan (a little boy who died of cancer) have changed my life forever. Starting soon (hopefully) I will be volunteering at the local hospital and the animal shelter AND my dad's friend's stable. Thank you Chris, and Ronan, and Johnathan. You have made me a better person.

Brain Blast Numero Uno

I'm only slightly bored.....so listen to my incessant chatter. I have about a billion blogs but this one will be the best, by far. So. Let me go on a rant real quick. About Madonna. Ugh. Why doesn't she stop performing? She's like, a hundred. There comes a time when a lady needs to stop making music and start jogging and scrapbooking. If she doesn't stop soon, she'll break a hip or something. Well. Enough about me. What about you? Just kidding, I really don't care. So. Hi, I'm Emily. Nice to meet you. Now time for the quote of the day: 'Try, not. Do, or do not. There is no try." -Master Yoda Um I'm done for tonight cus there is a screaming baby that is super loud. Its so distracting omg.  I feel like Richard Simmons in a nail salon. Or Carson Kressley on Good Morning America. Oh wait I thought I was done? Well I had originally planned ofr this to be mega awesome but it didn't work out for me. Kay bye.